Reality hits and it's harder and more painful than I have imagined.
Thank you for everything.
& I'm sorry for everything that I have done and have not done.

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drained

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2011, I'm twenty-two this year. Time flies real fast machiam teleport from one place to another in milliseconds. I'm back from my 17 days aussie trip. It was awesome thanks to Jolyn, Rahman, Xy for the road trips; all the beautiful beaches, strawberry farm, maze & yummy food. And not forgetting Alvin for his company on the flight and also the unforeseen night at Melbourne. We were supposed to land at Sydney however due to the terrible weather, the plane had to land at Melbourne. Food in aussie was costly and I was glad that I managed to save on lodging. Didn't get to sky dive as I was on budget towards the last few days. May plan to visit aussie again this year after Xy has finished her last paper.

I know this isn't right. I shouldn't have felt this way. But the invisible pressure has made it become a responsibility and now I can only try to make it beautiful.

I have lost what I used to have and I'm going to get it back.

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sleepy

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It had been some time since I last pen some thoughts here. Work has been good so far with endless stuff to learn. Although I've gotten use to how things work and also the time and days that will be burned, I'm actually looking forward to the day when there's no string attached. But what can I do if I'm not doing what I'm doing now? May be some day I will try the different types of job to find the one that I really enjoy doing.

Clique has been good with both doreen and chewhua celebrating their 21st at the chalet. Jolyn and liwen were back and had flew back already and now I can't wait for my turn to fly. To fly to sydney to visit jolyn and spend my 21st. Good thing is that she's ending her exam on the 12th and we will have more time to spend  together. Sky dive is on the top of the list and perhaps a trip down to melbourne to visit monkey.

I realize love isn't an easy thing and it totally involves two person. Although there have been downs in the past 2 months, it made us understand each other better and I'm glad that there's always a silver lining after all the unhappiness. If you happened to chance upon this, thanks baby and I appreciate all that you have done.

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thankful

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You have always been there for me even when you are sick, even when you are injured,
Never have you failed to accompany me through my ups & downs.
You are always strong for me & I'm really grateful for you.
I love you, my legs. :)

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optimistic

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My goal is to continue to like what I'm doing now even if it's years down the road.

3

Time doesn't wait. 5months have passed and soon I'll be out in the real cruel society. I'm not sure if I will be able to survive. Even if I can't, I have to. My life has been smooth sailing so far, with all the tests challenges that I passed, with the new friends I have made, with the people around me & things that I have. In less than 3months time, a new chapter. I may not be up for the challenges that I'm going to face. I may not know how to deal with it. Everything will be different. It won't be the same as what I'd learned. I'm not prepared. I'm not ready. & I need more time. Optimistic I am. But in this case I just don't feel it for now.

I have gained & see alot during this few months. Human beings. They are the ugliest & hardest to understand. And it makes me wanna penetrate them more. But the more I know, the more uncomfortable I feel. And to minimize abrasions, I have to be numb and mute. I dislike it. I am then evil too.

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sleepy

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Personal best 10.37 & 4hrs49mins.

fuckyeahhappy